FHWC 2013 Day 8: Women Lie About Their Age (Friday Funny)

FHWC2013JoinMeWhat is it with women? It doesn’t matter if they are married or single, the moment a polite, well-dressed stranger raps at the door and asks them for their age upon meeting, they lie!

I had heard many stories when I was transcribing the 1940 U.S. Census, last year, and thought happily to myself: “The women in my family have no issues with that nonsense!” 

I hate to have to correct myself, but I was wr, wrrr, mistaken. 

Yes, it’s shocking, the first female fibber I found was my twice great aunt, Mary (ATKINSON) FULKERSON – oldest sister to my great-grandfather, J.W!

Now, I am not certain, if Mary was the one lying or if it was her mother, Sarah (CAWARD) ATKINSON who did it, but somebody didn’t tell the truth to the poor census-taker. 

Question Period: Isn’t it illegal to lie on a federal document?  It’s a punishable offence, right?  

Great (sarcasm inserted here), the women I am descended from/ related to would have been fugitives, knowingly falsifying government documents, on the lamb for years, with complete disrespect for the law! 

But, what I don’t understand is: WHY?!?  Why would you insist on making yourself younger over the years, when you don’t look it?  

There is an easier way, ya know, Dearie …

Now, I am probably going to be “An Accessory After the Fact”  to too many federal offences (both in and outside of the Commonwealth) but consider this: 

Instead of claiming to be younger, insist that you are older!  You will get double-takes from everyone who will then fire endless compliments in your direction, like: 

  • “You do not look your age, Darling! How do you do it?”  
  • “Oh, Dearie, you must have been a child bride!” 
  • “What are your beauty secrets? You simply must tell me!” 

[Impression of Yul Brenner as King of Siam] Etcetera! Etcetera! Etcetera!

Too simple, right? (“Easie Peasie,” I think, is the slang floating around right now.).

One hour later:  Have given this a little more thought, and I wonder if women lie to census-takers about their age, in the same way that men lie about the size of the fishes they caught at the lake? Hmmm. (*pondering*)

Two hours later: I don’t really need a lawyer? Do I?


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