I had heard many stories when I was transcribing the 1940 U.S. Census, last year, and thought happily to myself: “The women in my family have no issues with that nonsense!”
I hate to have to correct myself, but I was
wr, wrrr, mistaken.
Yes, it’s shocking, the first female fibber I found was my twice great aunt, Mary (ATKINSON) FULKERSON – oldest sister to my great-grandfather, J.W!
Now, I am not certain, if Mary was the one lying or if it was her mother, Sarah (CAWARD) ATKINSON who did it, but somebody didn’t tell the truth to the poor census-taker.
Question Period: Isn’t it illegal to lie on a federal document? It’s a punishable offence, right?
Great (sarcasm inserted here), the women I am descended from/ related to would have been fugitives, knowingly falsifying government documents, on the lamb for years, with complete disrespect for the law!
But, what I don’t understand is: WHY?!? Why would you insist on making yourself younger over the years, when you don’t look it?
There is an easier way, ya know, Dearie …
Now, I am probably going to be “An Accessory After the Fact” to too many federal offences (both in and outside of the Commonwealth) but consider this:
Instead of claiming to be younger, insist that you are older! You will get double-takes from everyone who will then fire endless compliments in your direction, like:
- “You do not look your age, Darling! How do you do it?”
- “Oh, Dearie, you must have been a child bride!”
- “What are your beauty secrets? You simply must tell me!”
[Impression of Yul Brenner as King of Siam] Etcetera! Etcetera! Etcetera!
Too simple, right? (“Easie Peasie,” I think, is the slang floating around right now.).
One hour later: Have given this a little more thought, and I wonder if women lie to census-takers about their age, in the same way that men lie about the size of the fishes they caught at the lake? Hmmm. (*pondering*)
Two hours later: I don’t really need a lawyer? Do I?